Chapter III

 I remember when I was a child and my parents were never there. My dad had a huge accident and was in a hospital and my mom was with him. My grandparents were with him trying to hold the strings. Things never became normal I guess. I guess normal was never a thing. My dad came home and came very angry and my mom very sad. My dad used to beat me up and my mom didn’t do anything. My grandparents didn’t knew and I didn’t tell anything. I thought it was normal this abuse. Beating me up just because and treating me badly just because. It all started when I was seven/eight. It just stoped when I was almost seventeen. I was always compared to my piers, I was always a failure to them. I was a great student and a great kid, never I had made mistakes or anything bad. Not until I was eighteen or older. I entered my teens feeling like a failure, like a mistake, like I shouldn’t ever been born. Why didn’t they abort me? Why didn’t they gave me up for adoption? Why didn’t they kill me while I was a baby? Why creating a daughter for so much suffering? And then I started to think, maybe I should kill myself. And I cried, for years. This started when I was eleven/twelve. I started cutting myself because the pain of the cutting eased the feelings in my mind. They discovered it. They treated me like I was doing something bad, like I was misbehaving. When they left the house I say dreamed about the police coming and saying they both died in a car accident. When I was fifteen I started thinking maybe when I’m thirty I won’t feel like this, I won’t have a relationship with them. Oh, how wrong I was.