Chapter IV

 Usually I feel this sadness in the bottom of my soul and I don’t talk about it. I let it sit there and I try to forget that it’s there. I try to laugh and live every single day like it’s just a new day. However, this week it’s been a really hard week and today I’m feeling, again, like this sadness is showing me that maybe I shouldn’t be here. It’s been shown over the years over and over, it’s be proven by family, by friends, by situations of life that I shouldn’t be here. I wasn’t wanted, I wasn’t a priority for anyone. I don’t even feel like I was loved by anyone. I feel like my life should’ve ended a long time ago and today is a good day to end it. I feel so overwhelmed by everything, by the people in my life and by the people that aren’t in my life. All I wanted was a big hug, a big protection, a big and intense love that would made me feel like a deserving human being of love, of nurture, of caring. Is it too much to ask for? I don’t think I can live like this anymore, feeling so alone, so undeserving, unloved… maybe I should just end things for good and the saying goodbye would be better for everyone.